Funny/Interesting Things Professors Say #5

Small animal medicine
“… I have a Bernese Mountain Dog… which is kind of ridiculous.”
“The other thing about cancer cells that’s really dastardly…”
“… well it won’t be available for the dogs that were dead…”
“…cut them off and put it under the mattress with a frog’s leg and it will go away.”
“I’d rather have 6 years with a boxer than 17 years with a Chihuahua”
“3 days later his right atrium ruptured… which is suboptimal”
“he will get revenge… in a multitude of ways… most involving urine and feces.”
“when clients freak out about amputation, I ask ‘how many legs do you have?’ and they say ‘well… 2.’ And I say ‘well, you do pretty well.’”
“and then the reconstruction people will build you a new nose and you and you can go into public.”
“no pet should die without the benefit of steroids.”
“the recurrent laryngeal nerve is something one avoids in surgery if one can.”
“there are lots of important things with long names in there… and some short names too.”
“we’re talking therapeutic radiation, not nuclear destruction…”
“a cure for cancer is to live long enough to die of something else.”
“that’s a surgery for a person really experienced at removing sphincters”
“this is the rectum of a dog… but it’s too close for you to tell that.”
“You can’t just walk up to someone you don’t know and say ‘this is a bad plan!’”
“And no one knew then that cisplatin splats cats…”
“I said ‘I don’t know if this treatment is going to be possible because we need to be able to get the bloodwork faster…’ and he said ‘Oh, ok. I’ll get a plane.’ And he flew in for every chemo treatment the dog needed.”
“perhaps they are smart about some things… but this is not one of them.”

Radiology
“if you think you can slap a cast on any fracture, you’re living in the 1940’s”
“if you’re left with a jaw that doesn’t work… you’re screwed”
“you can use your brain and be right a lot of the time.”
“but my grandma didn’t go to vet school… you did.”
“… I would be correct, and I would be a bad doctor”

Large animal medicine
“no matter what is wrong with a horse, with a heart rate of 120… it’s bad.”
“normal horses are pretty boring”

Animal Models
“Betty White’s writing kind of induces violence.. but she doesn’t do it herself… she’s kind of old..”

Surgery
“He’s young and nice… I’m going to try to fix that… I can’t fix the young…”
“I’m probably not going to bite your head off… almost definitely”