Funny/Interesting Things Professors Say #2

(I meant to do this weekly, but then I kept getting busy! Also, I will add more once I go home and have all my notes with me. I only carry a select set on any given day at school.)

Anatomy:
"We don't want those 50 skull bones moving around... We want joints of stability there!"
"Gomphosis... kind of a silly word, but a joint nonetheless."
"Do we need to know innervation? Absolutely not... yet."
"When I was in vet school, I was taught, and learned, and believed that somebody made these up. But they do exist! but, functionally, they don't exist."
"We can't use 'knee' in veterinary medicine because of those horse people."


Physiology:
Dr. Cudd
"If you bang your retina with a hammer, you would have a sensation of light."
"They're going to think you're a Turk if you don't."
"If you go out of here and only vaccinate poodles for the rest of your life, you'd be in your own personal hell. At least, I would be."
"I don't know how many of you watch Robot Wars.... yeah, it's a great show."
"Obviously, the [chicken] head is not required for flapping and running."
"We're going to be black and white in here, but it's a grey world out there, folks."
"It's what's going to take care of you if a bengal tiger walks in."
"The nervous system is kind of like a little old lady who drives with both feet."
"The rare horse can kind of flip out on you."
"If you dilated all your blood vessels maximally at once... you'd die."
"I was an exciting horse doc... now, I am a boring professor."
"We don't have to think 'I don't want to urinate right now' all the time."
"There are many reasons dogs could be having accidents in the house. Sometimes, they're 'on purposes.'"
"Most dogs don't drive."
"Skeletal muscle is greedy, liver is generous."
"When you graduate, 50% of you will be poodle punchers. 10% of you will have green arms..."
"They have "Vagaled" out. Their heart rate goes buhbuhbump... bump... .... ... clunk."
"Hopefully, if you're terrified you're running and not crying."
"The important thing about eyes is, you can screw them up."
"Human adaptation to light takes about 30 minutes... animals just aren't saying."
"Usually, that's an acute death."
"Know the classic drug for this? Cocaine."
"Animals are very uncomfortable with cornea problems whihc can lead to veterinarian discomfort."
"Ear infections. Do you know what they smell like? I'm pretty sure you'll find they smell like money."

Dr. Wasser:
"You know which edition you're getting because the number of dolphins on the cover increases. So, even if you can't read, you know which one you've got."
"Bald eagles... not really a good bird. They're fancy vultures."
"As you know from your experience with vision..."
"Owls are... dumb as bricks. They're massively stupid. It may be that they don't have so much brain because they have so much eyeball."
"I was out in the swamp at night... usually for biology reasons..."
"There's your mouse... or rat... it's kind of hard to tell. There's your rodent."
"This is about to be an ex-mouse."
"Your eyes would shrivel up, rendering them useless."
"I don't know why you'd want to have a poisonous fish on your space ship."
"I don't mean me.. I mean 'we'... science..."


Phys lab:
"Just think of the horse as a big, one toed dog."


Histology:
"I don't know if penguins have lymph nodes..."
"I don't eat any kind of viscera. But, Dr. Russel, he'll eat anything. He's British."


Immunology:
"We basically dealt with the enemy last week."
"We don't consider these professional phagocytes. They must be amateurs, I guess."
"A cell gets infected with a virus and gets stressed. You would too."
"Like many diagrams in immunology, there are a lot of boxes and arrows that go all over the place."
"Remember that part of organic chemistry? Oh, I feel sorry for you!"
"...T cells are a hell of a lot more complicated than that."
"They're the kind of cells that live fast and die young."
"Macrophages are sloppy eaters... they drool a little."
"... probably working with whooping cough. That was popular in those days."
"Steroids have a different context if you're an Olympic athlete, but these have different actions!"