Funny/Interesting Things Professors Say #4

Professor quotes

Path
“and if you’re a human… which everyone in here is…”
“It’s the retching of all retching…”
“If you have proteinuria… let me know!”
“If you’re a person, and we all are…”


Inf. Dz
“If I can’t latch on and I’m in the GI tract, I get washed out.”
“As you’re walking down the alley, the cows are lifting their tails and literally shooting it at you.”
“Veterinarians are the foremost poop-ologists.”
“That’s pretty close to screamin’ high.”

Tox
“Let me tell you what these stupid sheep do.”
“Any questions on LSD?”
“some people swear by fescue, other people swear at fescue.”
“I guess it’s ok to mutilate them as long as you don’t pick them.”
“I figure if they’re edible, I’ll eat them. I’m not picking anything off a cow patty.”
“people really want to get somebody else to pay for their mistakes.”
“We’ve been fighting France’s wars for year.”
“If you have to be bitten by one of these snakes… you want the copperhead.”

Surgery
“there are a lot of voices that go on in my head, but that’s not one of them”
“look at me! I can do hand ties. Breaks the ice with people..”
“It can be a pretty… whole body experience… to do those surgeries.”

Public Health
“What about the cool, new, sexy organisms.”
“I sit in the men’s restroom and hear the commode flush and I listen… then I hear the sink.”
“We need to learn from the blacks. They’re washing their hands.”
“There’s a stranger out there, and he’s got a pig under his coat. He’s probably a bioterrorist.”
“You’re supposed to know it.. but I’m not going to test on it because I can’t remember it either.”
“The kid gets overexcited about the kitten, the kitten gets underexcited about the kid, and voila! The gets scratched.)
“To a cat, the whole world is a litter box.”
“What are you, a laboratorian?”
“Are there any fish people… not fish people… aquarium types in here?”
“When you don’t have enclosed spaces for cats, you have escapees… which is sub-optimal.”
“45% of people have more than 1 pet… especially the cat folks.”
“long haired cats are like dust mops”
“it will turn a cat yellow… if you do it only once, it probably won’t be permanent.”
“I don’t know many dolphins that go hiking in the woods”
“lepto really, really likes Hawaii… can’t really blame it…”
“There’s nothing here that really screams ‘ I have leptospirosis!’”
“If you had to pick a brucella to be infected with… pick canis.”